Are Evil Stepsisters Infiltrating Your Workplace?

Posted on May 17, 2012 by Marion

There’s a special place in hell reserved for women who don’t help other women.

Madeleine Albright

If you honestly assess your career path and have to name those who influenced it greatly and helped you succeed – what would the ratio of men and women be? 80% men and 20% women? A recent The Grindstone posting titled ‘Women Have Never Helped Me Succeed in My Career’ points to two new studies that show that the behavior of women at work towards other women is what is helping keep the glass ceiling firmly intact. The author brings up the notion of mean girls being at play in the workplace. The article points to women not wanting other women to succeed more than they are able to or feeling superior to other women and fearing that those with “lesser intellect and skills” will make other women look bad.

Personally, I’m very happy to see topics like this covered. It’s something most of us women know about, but love to ignore. After all, aren’t we as women supposed to be collaborators and nurturers? How can we then fathom that we’re our own worst enemies as a gender by not wanting to help other women succeed? This isn’t something we can blame on men. Plus, it’s actually not like we’re encountering a brand new phenomenon. It’s just that now that we’re out there in the workforce in large numbers that a lot more attention is given to women’s behaviors and patterns.

Why do I say it’s not a brand new phenomenon? I believe what we see in the workplace – and I readily admit that I’m not a scientist – is what we’ve seen since the cave woman days. Women are competing with other women for survival. It’s biologically hardwired since we’ve been doing it for 1,000’s of years. Historically, women needed a man to take care of them to survive, as well as be providers for themselves and their children. Obviously, to “win over” the best provider, you had to compete and position yourself as the best match. While the corporate world may not be as brutal as our cave people days or even up to 100 years ago, we’re still conditioned to operate similarly. So, I don’t believe that it’s the mean girl mode or evil gal at fault – it has more to do with undoing major behavioral programming.

What are some solutions then?

Restructure women’s leadership development programs to integrate the topic of women in relationship to other women in the workplace and discuss studies such as these two new ones. Organizational training initiatives, which ignore this issue, will never be truly effective.
Encourage women’s networking groups in the workplace. Allocate corporate dollars for groups that formally commit to establishing outcomes and metrics to help foster the growth of women in the organization.
Send a group of your female employees to regional women’s conferences to keep them current on women’s professional development, to build stronger alliances with colleagues and to connect with women in other companies to hear what others are doing.
Create a culture of volunteerism. Include a category in your performance management system that rewards women who mentor and coach other women. This encourages women to step up to the plate and volunteer to help junior women to grow professionally.
Lead by example and assert your position. If you’re a manager and have female employees in your group who are known to fall into the cave women trap, let them know what you see. Don’t just be the ostrich with the head in the sand. Suggest steps they can take and hold them accountable.

These solutions can easily help women bring into their consciousness that they’re self-reliable and have 100% responsibility for their own life. Women no longer need to be victim of historic patterns and can enjoy true career success when they understand that it’s no longer about survival but thriving. There’s plenty to go around for all women in the workplace.

I would love to hear your thoughts on the above. Just drop me a line below and let me know what your thoughts are. Also, if you like what you read, please share it with friends by clicking one of the links below!

Embracing Wicked at Work

Posted on May 10, 2012 by Marion

Live an authentic life.

Cause some stirring and strife.

Express your opinions through your voice.

Remember that you always have a choice

To live out your very dream and desire

And set your life on fire!

Funerals always have a way of bringing up thoughts, making you question beliefs and reminding you that your time on this beautiful planet is precious. I have had to attend 2 funerals in the past 2 months. Firstly for my beloved grandmother whom I was named after and who meant the world to me. At 88 she had lived a long life on her very own terms. Then this past week, I attended my neighbor’s funeral. He was 30 years my grandmother’s junior and had been battling pancreatic cancer for the past 10 months. The neighbor’s wife and daughter had put so much thought into the service that I was somewhat overwhelmed. When you walked into the funeral home, you were taken down a trip of memory lane. The multiple displays and videos showed his major life milestones, his hobbies & passions and the connectedness of his family. It was truly inspirational. A lot of people had come out to say their farewells. The place was showered with flowers sent by everyone. To say that he was admired is an understatement.

However, the admiration he had garnered in his life wasn’t necessarily the traditional societal way. You definitely wouldn’t have called him Mr. Congeniality. He could be very opinionated and wasn’t afraid to express what his beliefs were. He was bold and direct. He was known to complain about God and the world. In no way, shape or form, would you have called him a people pleaser. Yet, he had many passions that he followed, including wine-making – my favorite since I was the recipient of his home made red wine… He enjoyed a great career. He had material success. His wife and daughter absolutely adored him. The neighbors thought the world of him. He enjoyed a great life even given what was going on in the last months of his life.

How is my neighbor’s life story related to women and leadership development? Forbes, Huffington Post and The Grindstone have been featuring some wonderful articles over the past weeks on the dark side of women in the workplace, i.e. being “bitches”; being competitive, jealous and envious of other women; and how this is holding women back from increasing their percentage in management and leadership positions.

My thoughts on this? We don’t see more women in higher ranks because women are still too afraid to embrace being wicked at work. Continually being Ms. Nice in the workplace and pleasing others is draining on you and doesn’t serve you. Let’s be honest – how has sitting back and expecting your superiors to just recognize your great work been working for you? How has understanding that your company is encountering financial challenges resulting in lack of pay increases while you’ve actually exceeded your numbers been making you feel? Not so good, right?

My neighbor who was a great guy wasn’t always Mr. Nice, but he sure enjoyed accomplishments in life, and he gained respect for his directness and opinions. This definitely doesn’t have anything to do with what men get away with in life vs. women. It has everything to do with being authentic and taking personal responsibility for your life. So, have some fun and start stirring the pot with being “wicked” at times in the workplace:

Speak up in a direct way and voice your opinion no matter what. Don’t worry what others may think.
Ask for what you want when it comes to money and job promotions. Your higher ups are not mind readers.
Start turning down projects you aren’t passionate about. It’s not about continually taking one for the team. It’s about what fuels you.
Trust your gut and follow it. If you have a bad instinct about someone, heed it and set appropriate boundaries. You don’t have to be friends with everyone at work to be successful.
Take a risk. A lot of women remain stuck in their current job or company even though they’re extremely unhappy. Learn from men and make changes. Life isn’t about suffering away.

Are You Cinderella or Prince Charming? Untangling Gender Roles in the Workplace…

Posted on May 3, 2012 by Marion

Many women feel conflicted in how they need to show up in the workplace to demonstrate that they have leadership potential. They’re faced with the conundrum on:

How assertive they need to be.
How they should dress.
Do they need to work extra hard to get ahead of men?
What “masculine” traits do they need to acquire to compete with men at work?

A recent blog posting by Avivah Wittenberg-Cox for Harvard Business Review titled “Macho Cultures Are Fairer for Women” reinforced my belief that in order for Corporate America to develop sustainable organizations, it can’t be about men vs. women at work, focusing on creating equity or trying to teach women male traits or men how to be more collaborative and nurturing. No, it’s all about what the French like to call Vive la difference!

Wittenberg-Cox introduces us to a new paradox – namely, the Brazilian Paradox. She indicates that evidence suggests that macho cultures and gender balance actually mix rather well. She cites a 2012 Grant Thornton survey of the gender balance in senior executive roles showing that Brazil had 27% women and 73% men, compared to the US with 17% women and 83% men. It’s her belief that businesses in the USA and the UK have fallen into the trap of trying to negate the differences between men and women in order to achieve equality. She goes on to assert that:

“Because men and women are different in a host of potentially powerfully complementary ways, this well-intentioned strategy has only served to eliminate women from the leadership pipelines in many companies, except for the few who adopt masculine leadership styles. The Brazilians never fell into this trap. Rather than seek equality through sameness, Brazil accentuates differences between genders. Brazilian men are about as macho as you can get while the feminine stereotype is celebrated by both genders. “

This brings me then to Cinderella and Prince Charming. We’ve been teaching women that they have to kick their Cinderella ways to the curb and be more like Prince Charming in the workplace to move up the ladder. It’s as if we’re making the feminine something that is innately flawed for the corporate environment. However, wouldn’t we have much more of a ball (no pun intended!) in the workplace if we allowed both men and women to dance in partnership with their complementary ways? What are some of the benefits of such an approach?

Productivity would go up! How much time is wasted on anger and disdain by both genders because of perceived superiority and inferiority? Why not re-channel this energy instead toward acknowledging the other gender’s strengths to achieve corporate goals?
Solution-oriented thinking becomes corporate culture. You’ll find that companies that continually focus on their problems and not on opportunities become stagnant. The corporate culture is almost that of defeatists. When gender differences are opportunities to maximize corporate growth, you only see solutions and move the corporate culture toward positivity.
The competitive advantage is focused outward. When you refocus your team on embracing their varied strengths and seeing how they can partner together, you can harness their competitive natures to shift from one another toward the true competition on the outside. Plus, you bring a whole different skillset to the table that your competitor hasn’t caught up with (yet).

Corporate culture doesn’t change overnight and miracles can’t be expected. However, as leaders within an organization, I challenge you to authentically show up in your own way of being and embrace the differences that both genders, i.e. Cinderella and Prince Charming, bring to the ball. True organizational growth comes from people are passionate about who they are and what they bring to the table.