Heart-based Leadership: How to Deal with Harsh Criticism

Criticism is a misconception: we must read not to understand others but to understand ourselves.

Emile Cloran

Criticism. How many people feel comfortable giving or receiving it? Not too many. Especially face-to-face. However, if you’re looking to grow within an organization or to grow your business – a leader has to be able to accept criticism from employees, customers and partners; and she has to receive it gracefully like we’ve seen powerful leaders Nelson Mandela and Gandhi do and, thus, serve as role models.

I once had the opportunity to participate in a training program, which as a prerequisite had us ask others, such as our employees and customers, to assess our leadership style and approaches. I would say that 70% of the participants were quite unprepared for the feedback they received – especially the “constructive criticism”. The unease wasn’t just felt by the women, men were equally thrown off. So, the 2-day program helped people to look at both their strengths and make commitments to improve those areas where they rated low. Yet, people still were trying to figure out how to cope with those “stings” and move forward, even with the tools and skills being taught.

How do you then effectively deal with harsh criticism? 

Criticism many not be agreeable, but it is necessary.

It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body.

It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.

Winston Churchill

1. Accept it gracefully. As you can see in both Cloran and Churchill’s quotes, criticism, as harsh as it can be, should be used to focus on the unhealthy parts of ourselves so we can learn from them. You might not see it initially, but you’ve been given an opportunity to step back and assess your leadership (or potential leadership) well-being. Essentially, the critic should be seen as your doctor who has helped identify a condition that you might not have been aware of without her. The condition could show up as being passed up on for promotions; having difficult employees; not getting rewards; tanking sales numbers and so on for which you’ve found numerous excuses.
2. Ask others how your actions have impacted them. Follow up with the people who provided feedback. This may be uncomfortable, but it shows that you’re a graceful leader. People will want to support you when you’re honest about your shortcomings. It makes you human. Your employees and customers will see that you’re serious about the learning lessons and commit to further building the relationship resulting in loyalty.
3. Take action and outline your desired outcomes. List specifically what steps you’re taking to work on the areas you were provided constructive criticism on. Make a commitment to give each area 30 days to form a new habit or pattern. Also outline what this new pattern will result in for both your own personal growth and for your business. Don’t give up if it doesn’t sink in right away. Progress over perfection. And, most importantly, don’t obsess over the negative aspects of the feedback. Let the emotion go and see only the opportunities it is affording you.

This all being said, there are times when criticism is plain harsh, and the person providing it may not come from the best place or is unleashing his life dissatisfaction on you. In those instances, you have the opportunity to step back and truly show up as a heart-based leader displaying compassion instead of taking it personally or focusing on your own personal changes. It can be a chance to see how you can best serve this individual in furthering his own growth or giving him a helping hand if you can.